In a couple of months I will be turning 45 years (in November 2023). I wonder how I will be feeling when the time comes. It is true that time flies by quickly. I can't remember all the moments in my entire life up until now. I remember some of the good times and surely the bad ones too. But in between when I have had just ordinary days...I can't recall them all.
For sure I can tell you how I feel since a couple of days ago and up to this morning. I feel sad...I know exactly things that make me feel this way. I've been watching "Reply 1988" one of my favorite Korean drama. Actually it is my second time watching it. I like the drama because it reminds me of my oldies time during my elementary grades, junior high, and just before my work times. I can relate with the situation in the 1980'. It's like watching my own memories in form of tv show. Well not exactly the same but similar situation, where most of our mothers' stay at home and taking care all of us their children. When all the children in the neighborhood can play at our friends houses' without making a schedule and reservation. When we played and it was time to have our lunch then our mothers would call out our names loudly. Sometimes we had our lunch together, and some of my friends would like to have my lunch menu. My mom always cook for our meals everyday.
The difference between my childhood real life with the drama was the amenities. During that time in my neighborhood none of us have land line telephone, fridge, washing machine, even rice cooker. Back then, we used ordinary pot to cook rice, so after it cooked the rice went cold. We have a rice cooker if I'm not mistaken when I went to high school and we had been stayed in a different neighborhood. When I was graduated from elementary school, my father have had an offer from his office to reside at an official residence in Ciledug. So we moved away from Kampung Salo to our new home in Ciledug during my elementary term was over. I don't remember if our family talked about this moving before. It is not a tradition to talk over about anything in our family. We only listen to our father whatever it is and we follow him to his preference. Back then our father was an authoritative figure to be heard. Well it is the same with the father figure in the drama. Even though there is an exception for Kim's family whose mother is the focal point in the family and the father in my opinion shows love and affection to his family obviously.
Back to my feeling....why I feel sad after watching the drama. Well because I feel old hehehe. I feel like I don't do much in my whole life as me, as a mommy, etc. Meanwhile time flies really fast, and I am here now with my middle life situation. Before I began watching the drama, I read an e-book "the art of being brilliant" by Andy Cope and Andy Whittaker. I've got the book because I'm a member of national library (ipus). I've already read some e-books from the library. As you can tell from the e-book title, it is suggest to be a brilliant person in every moment. Being brilliant means that you're a part of 2 percentage people that give all their energy when doing something. The 2%ers never seem tired and bored with their lives, they are shining bright because of their positivity attitude toward everything they are coping with.
To be honest I want to be a part of those 2%ers people. And then I watched the drama...it was like a reflection of my younger years. After reading the book and watching the drama...my consciousness came to me. What have I done to my life and my family? and the feeling came...sadness.
I want to be the 2%ers
I want to give my all to my life and my family
I want to reach out my goals and dare to dream high...again
